Motivation at the right time

It was one of the worst phone calls I have had in my life. I was at university and I received a text telling me to call Maureen Baker, the manager at my gym and the woman who could either make or break me in the fitness industry. 

The night before I had taught my first ever class by myself and she had watched the first part. ‘Hi Maureen, its Bevan here’, ‘Ah Bevan, (pause) what did you think of your class last night?’ Her question and tone made it obvious that she didn’t think I was the next big thing. ‘I think it went ok’, I said, voice quivering. She then went on to give me feedback that made me realise I had a lot of work to do if I wanted to make it. One thing that really stood out was when she said ‘Bevan, they (the class participants) are not awesome in the warm up; you told them that they were nearly one hundred times.’  While her feedback was hard to take, she was right. 

Since that time I have learnt a lot about how to motivate people. Over the years I’ve had to motivate all different types of people. I’ve had a group of young mums who hadn’t done exercise in years and were so afraid of the workout in front of them. Then I’ve had athletes who were used to working under high levels of stress. 

While the groups and individuals I’ve worked with have been varied, I have learnt one massive lesson on motivation. My job is to motivate at the right time. I’ll give you an example: many new instructors motivate all the time, they push people from the start of the workout right through to the end. People don’t need this, most of us will work really well up to the point when it gets hard. The difference between a new and an experienced instructor is that the experienced instructor is watching the person or group training and waiting for the moment when they can see they are struggling. It’s at this moment that they provide motivation using one of the many tools they have. 

When you think about it, most people don’t need motivation 100% of the time. They just need motivation at the right time. So what can you take from this? When you are exercising, if you can become good at recognising the point when you need motivation, you can prepare an action strategy to take you to the next level. Whether it is a playlist that you switch to that has music that pushes you along, whether it is a mindset you create to help you get through the hard part or motivation from others, work out a plan for yourself to get you through the challenge. 

Luckily Maureen’s advice has stuck with me and this advice taught me a great deal about motivation and has opened many doors for me in my career within the fitness industry. 

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Why competition is good for you

When I was at primary school I was the best kid at athletics in my year. My mum has a funny story about one particular sports day when I had won all my races and I was receiving my last winner’s medal. In front of the whole school, including families that were there to support their kids, I yelled out ‘I told you I would win everything mum’. I think she turned her head around and pretended I wasn’t her child. I was obviously pretty confident in my ability but the one thing I remember the most was how much I loved competing. At that age everything was a race and I always wanted to win!

Something happened once I got to intermediate, I suddenly faced a higher level of competition and I wasn’t winning very much at all. Instead of showing amazing character and working hard to improve I just stopped competing. I was so afraid of losing that I stopped doing the thing I loved. I remember making up injuries, being sick or just not going to school on sports day because I was so afraid of losing.

Around ten years later I was watching the movie Dead Poets Society. In one section Robin William’s teacher character talks to his students about how competition helps you find the best version of yourself. This really struck a note with me so I started entering races. At first I didn’t win anything but these races took me to places that I had never been in any type of training I had done, they were showing me another level of myself.

As the years progressed I worked on my skills, fitness and racing ability which lead me to achieving some results that I’m really proud of. But the one thing I always reminded myself was that competition is an opportunity to discover the next level for myself.

I know some of you may be reading this and even the idea of competition makes you feel uneasy.   One of the reasons I think this may be the case is because competition takes us to a place of real honesty. When you are racing you can experience all the doubt in the world and it exposes everything about who you are. It’s like it puts a mirror in front of yourself and you can see your strengths and weaknesses to the core. Sorry, I’m not meaning to put you off here. The upside is that while you’re in this place you learn what you need to do to grow, and this competitive place can give you the motivation to go there.

Competition can be about winning, don’t get me wrong I love winning, but more importantly it’s one of the best ways for you to grow your character and find the next level in yourself. If you want to grow as a person move towards competition and you find your growth will move into fast forward mode. 

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Honey, we need to talk

It’s the one question that a lot of men fear the most, ‘Do I look fat in this?’ Their minds plunge into despair as they quickly try to dodge treacherous terrain. ‘I think you are beautiful no matter what you wear’. His eyes start to sparkle as his inner feelings of pride in his wise response sets in. These feelings are deflated faster than a balloon is popped by a pin when his partner states ‘You think I’m fat don’t you’.

The weight issue for both sexes in relationships can be a hard thing to address. When we as individuals gain unhealthy weight we can be ultra-aware and tend to avoid this sensitive subject. We all have an understanding of this and I think it may be one of the reasons why we find it so hard to bring up weight problems with our partner. How do you address an area that we know will make people feel bad about themselves, especially when this person is your partner?

I believe the answer is: It needs to come from a place of caring. We need to make sure our partner knows that we are talking about it because we love and care for them. We also need to show that we are willing to support them in taking the steps to achieve a healthier weight.

So how do you support a partner in returning to a healthy weight? Here are  some suggestions:

1. Remove your own behaviors that may cause them to be confronted with hard choices. It’s going to be harder for your partner to give up chocolate if every night you are sitting next to them eating a chocolate bar.

2. Find ways that you can make exercise a part of your connection time together. When you get home from work or after dinner go for a walk with your partner and talk about the day.

3. Plan your shopping together. We all know that we eat better when we can sit down and write  a meal plan. Once you have your meal plan, go shopping -  together.

4. Be there on the hard days. There will be hard  days! These can create negativity which can lead to more bad decisions. When your partner has a tough day be there for them, listen first and then help them to get back  on track towards the  healthy path.

Many of us experience fluctuations in in weight and unhealthy weight gain is hard thing to confront in a relationship but if you care for you partner you can choose to bring it up. Although it’s a lot more than just having a conversation, it’s about doing everything to support them in a positive way through the tough journey that they have in front of them.