Today I’m going to share an experience that taught me a good lesson and got me thinking about these tough questions. 

A few years ago I was participating in a training camp for elite triathletes. The training was madness, each day started at 5.30am and consisted of 3-6k swims, 150-250k bike rides and 10-15k runs - the days were long and hard. The camp was designed to push each of us to the edge of our limit and at times it felt like we had gone well over that edge. 

One of the key factors to my success on this camp was a guy called Brandon. Our athletic ability was similar and we seemed to hit it off like old school buddies. Over the 13 day camp we would spend nearly 80% of our time together. If I was having one of those ‘I want to give up’ moments, Brandon would encourage me to push on through and I would do the same for him. We both bought something to each others experience which made both of us better athletes both physically and mentally. 

Once the camp was over I discovered that Brandon had been writing a daily blog, every day he had written about that day’s training. When I discovered that this had been published online my ego was looking forward to reading it, as I assumed I would get quite a few complimentary mentions. Well my ego got deflated, in all the writing Brandon had done over the entire camp, I only got two quick mentions. I have to admit at first I was surprised by this as we had spent so much time together. Then I started thinking about how I had been communicating my experience to others, I hardly ever mentioned Brandon. 

This experience taught me a very valuable lesson: most people spend most of their time thinking about their own life. I’m going to repeat that as it is an important point: most people spend most of their time thinking about their own life. 

Think about yourself. In your day how often are you thinking about what is happening in your own day to day life in comparison to thinking about other people’s lives? Once you discover that most people are thinking about themselves most of the time you can allow yourself to lessen your concern about what they think of you. That’s because the chances are they aren’t thinking of you.

Time worrying about judgement from others is a lost opportunity for you to be spending this time creating the life where you get to be what you want to be and do what you want to do.  Imagine if you were to spend all that accumulated ‘worry time’ on things that contributed to your own growth in areas that are important to you. Where would that lead you? 

Next time you are worrying about what someone may be thinking of you, say to yourself ‘they probably aren’t even thinking of me at all’ and put your focus back into how you can progress forward. 

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One of the pleasures of driving to work in the morning, other than the fact that you have the roads to yourself, is seeing those impressive people who get up and go running. It’s the same people every morning. There’s the girl who always seems to be pushing herself really hard up the hill, I seem to remember someone told me she was an amazing netball player. Then there’s the guy who looks like a bit of a hippy who runs on the road and I’m always worried that I’m going to hit him. There’s also a couple of older ladies who seem to be enjoying each others company as they are beating the streets together.

I don’t know these people but I feel I have an affinity with them. While the rest of the world is getting the last of their precious sleep, these characters in the story of my drive to work remind me that I need to keep challenging myself in my life. By them doing something that is good for them they remind me what is good for me.

Occasionally there will be someone who breaks the routine of my drive to work. They are new, someone I have never seen before. They are out there running or walking but for some reason they don’t have that look of ease that my regular runners have. Inside I wonder if they are someone who has hit a moment in their life where they know they need to create some change.

On this particular day they have set the alarm early, motivated themselves to get out of bed and head out the door which is an awesome achievement in itself. Unfortunately I never seem to see these people again. Why is that? I’m sure when these people get home they feel good about themselves. That getting up and going for this early morning run sets up a momentum of good behavior for the rest of the day. They have probably even let the people in their world know that they got up early and went for a run in the morning. So why don’t I see them again?

For many of us we experience what I call the ‘burst of motivation’. It can come from that moment when you have let your habits fall off the wagon for a long period of time, and you know that you have to change. In this moment you get a burst of motivation and determine that tomorrow is going to be different. You create a plan where you get up much earlier than you normally do and go for a run, two things which are big challenges for you.

The downfall of this burst of motivation is that the actions we put in place at these times are often a massive stretch forward from our current ability and experience. This burst means that you can pull if off, but only once or twice as it’s just too hard. Unfortunately on that third morning when you have stayed in bed after the alarm went off there’s a chance that you will see yourself in a negative light. This might tell you that you’ll ‘never be good at exercise’.

There is value in the burst of motivation but you need to learn how to use it effectively. When you feel it coming on don’t aim for the most challenging activity, instead ask yourself ‘how can I build a habit and what are the ways that I can be most successful at doing this?’ By asking this question you will look for the best times of day for you to train, what types of environments work for you, who will guide you and what is the appropriate level for you to start at. If you figure this out you’re on a much safer path to success, one where the odds aren’t against you, instead they are in your favour.

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Imagine if we lived in a world where once you hit a certain age, that was nearing the latter stages of your life, you had to quit everything you do to write your life story. You’d be given three years and you would be funded to do it. It’s an interesting thought, where would you start? Who would you interview? What memories would you want the world to know about and which ones would never be committed to ink? What do you think you would learn about yourself through this process? 

There’s a saying ‘everyone has a book in them’, to me this isn’t about us being creative, it’s not saying that we can create stories, it’s saying that we all live lives that are full of twists and turns. So once again, what’s your story?

We often don’t realise it but most of us are constantly telling our life’s stories. It would be an interesting exercise to have a recording device on you for a day, recording your conversations. This would help you to become aware of your story. It would show what you tell your world about yourself and how you represent yourself in the different areas of your life.

Here’s a harder question: Which of your stories justifies you holding yourself back?

Working in fitness you hear a lot of stories as to why people hold themselves back. People often share well crafted words, words that have been repeated many times of why they aren’t any good at fitness. I understand these feelings are real for the story teller but I wonder if that story is helping them progress? Do they know how this story influences their life? If they were to focus on being aware of it and perhaps changing their story maybe things would be different.

I’ll tell you my current story: ‘I’m working too hard’, I don’t have that recording device but I can hear those words or some form of those words when I communicate my world to others. Deep down I know I want to have a slightly different story but when the words come out that’s what I tell. To be honest I only noticed that this was my story the other day. When I look back I realise that I’ve been telling it for a few months now. I don’t want this to be the story I’m telling so this realisation helped me take action towards the path I prefer to be on in my life. By listening to my own story I was able to see what areas I really needed to work on.

So what is your story? What does it tell you about yourself? By identifying it will you realise that you aren’t on the right path, or that you are justifying staying in the same place? Maybe it’s time to start becoming aware of your story, listening to yourself and your message, and then creating a story you would love to tell.

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It’s 9:30am on Saturday morning. You take a sip from your large cuppa coffee, feeling relaxed yet slightly unmotivated after a large cooked breakfast. You contemplate the rest of your day - it’s nice to have down time.

You consider the prospect of getting in some exercise, but think twice. You reminisce on your last attempt to get fit. It was just too hard. You think back to all of the different times you started up some fitness routine only to fall off the wagon within a couple weeks. It seems that every time you have tried, you have failed. Yet you wish there was something in you to keep you going – to keep you motivated and on track.

Your train of thought is suddenly disrupted by the sight and sound of a group of people jogging past your house.  Some fast, some slow, some walking, some talking. A couple of women in their mid-40s run at a leisurely pace and a stream of people of all ages, shapes and sizes soon follow – all chatting, smiling and having a good time.  Fun, while running? How does that work?

If they are doing it, why can’t you? You know you enjoy exercise, but it’s always so hard to stick to a programme. What was so different to what you had tried in the past?

So you make enquiries. You discover a new running group called “Get Up To Five” where participants of all fitness levels run at their own pace, supported by qualified running coaches, and team-train towards the ultimate goal of completing a 5km race.

You simply can’t imagine what it would be like to run to the end of the street, let alone 5000metres.

But fast forward only eight weeks, and that’s exactly where you could be – embarking on a whole different Saturday morning. Rather than a late start and fry-up, you instead wake at dawn, eat a nutritious breakfast and head out the door confident and fit to run your first ever 5km race.

Imagine how good you would feel?

Christchurch running club Extra Mile Runners is helping turn such dreams into reality for many Cantabrians who have tried and given up, yet still hold on to their desire to get off the couch and get fit.

World leading fitness professional and Christchurch based Bevan James Eyles heads up a team that has created a number of fitness programmes with a totally different approach to running and exercise.

As a former Ironman and a current international fitness trainer, Eyles knows how it feels to be fit, healthy and accomplished. And feedback over the years indicated there were many people out there with exercise and fitness goals, but who lacked in knowledge and motivation to achieve them.

In response, Eyles created his first running group “RaceTeam” five-years ago which provided runners with a programme, motivation and support to train towards completing a half-marathon.  Although successful, he soon realised the group attracted people with an existing passion for exercise, but which appeared too daunting for non-exercisers – people who wanted to get fit but didn’t know where to start.

And so he and his team created a new training group called “Get Up To Five” – a running group dedicated not only to helping people learn to run 5km, but which empowered them to set new goals and break through fitness barriers they never thought possible.

“Many people have tried and failed at getting fit,” Eyles said. “But many people who have completed the ‘Get Up To Five’ programme have told us this was the first time they’d ever achieved success with a fitness programme.”

In the eight-week programme, participants meet three times per week to simply do their best and work to their own limits. With a ratio of one-trainer to every 15 participants, there is consistent motivation, encouragement and advice tailored to suit differing fitness levels.

“It’s not about pushing the runner to achieve their best time; it’s about encouraging them to set their own pace, to train at the correct intensity, and simply enjoy the fact they are out there exercising,” Eyles said.

Eyles believes that people are feeling more confident to tackle longer races due a sense of belief in their ability to build fitness levels at their own pace, in their own time and with achievable results.

“The steps are small and the progress is believable and achievable. We aim to challenge the traditional exercise environment by creating a social, fun and supportive environment”, he said.

Mother of three Robyn Murphy has been part of the team for almost 12 months and said that completing ‘Get Up To Five’ was the best thing she had ever done. 

“I have 3 teenagers, work full time and seem to drive "mum's taxi" constantly,” she explained. “This September I turn 50 and I don’t believe I have ever felt so fit and healthy in all my time on this planet. Words can’t explain the gratitude I feel for being part of such an awesome community.”

As the programme had a particularly strong focus on team-training, great friendships are established as participants motivate each other to achieve their goals.

“Knowing there are others getting out of bed at 6am makes it easier for people to commit to the schedule,” explained Eyles. “Not only is it as a chance to exercise, but a chance to catch up with friends and start the day in an energising way.”

The fact that Extra Mile Runners offers four levels of running programmes enables participants to build on their success by moving onto the next level of running. Once they have completed  ‘Get Up To Five’, they can move into the ‘Club 10k’ group and work their way towards completing a 10km race, and then eventually onto RaceTeam and train for a half marathon. And for those who simply wish to maintain fitness levels and stay connected, a ‘Saturday Runners’ group has been set up for every level of runner, create a sense of community, and simply have fun.

Eyles puts the success of Extra Mile Runners’ down to its vision of helping people discover a lifetime love of exercise – of having fun, getting involved in the community and experiencing individual growth.

“The majority of people usually socialise around food and alcohol,” he said. “So why not create a new social environment of like-minded people with a shared philosophy of trying to achieve their best?”

It’s this sort of ethos that’s seen over 350 participants complete the “Get Up To Five” programme since it started 18-months ago, with 120 continuing on to train for the half-marathon “RaceTeam”, programme, Robin Murphy being one of them.

“It’s about real people achieving real things,” said Eyles. “We have seen some amazing transformations in so many of our runners, not only in their running, but also in their confidence and self-belief they can succeed. That’s pretty powerful stuff.”

If you want to join Extra Mile Runners and are in Christchurch you can find out more here: www.extramilerunners.co.nz 

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Should kids sport/exercise be about participation or should competition be encouraged?  

I’m sure as you read this you have come up with an instant response, the one that is already pre-determined in your mind. There’s a concept called confirmation bias that I would like to introduce before I go any further. The best way to describe confirmation bias is that if you already have a view on a certain topic, when you are presented with new content or differing views you are constantly looking for reasons to justify your thinking and opinion. I experienced this when I watched the political debates before the last election. My lovely partner and I had differing views on who we would vote for and after the debate we both thought that our leader had done the best job. Confirmation bias also makes us tend to read magazines, watch TV shows and listen to radio shows that back up and confirm the thinking we already have. So all I ask is that you be aware of your bias as you read on. 

So what is better, competition or participation? I thought I would put an argument forward for each side. Let me put my competitive hat on first:

Competition

There's a scene in the film Dead Poets Society where the teacher character that Robin Williams plays talks about how competition gives us the ability to find higher levels in ourselves. It is one of the magical things about competition; it takes most of us to a place that we could not get to by ourselves.

When you are racing in a running or cycling event, playing sport against another team or lifting weights with a training partner who is of similar ability, competition has the ability to show you the next level in yourself.

Proving to ourselves we are better than others can drive us to set goals that get us out of bed earlier, push us a little harder in training and improve our character traits, such as discipline and hard work, creating the belief that we can apply these to other areas of our lives.

Let us not forget we love a winner. We hold winners up in society; they get presented as our role models, what we should aspire to. You can see it in New Zealand sport: the only time sports outside of the top three of rugby, netball and cricket get any exposure is when they are winning.

We should help our kids to aspire to be the best. Life rewards the people who are top of their fields. It is often found that the "best people" get an unfair slice of the rewards pie in life.

For example: All Black Dan Carter is arguably the world's best player in his position. But how much better is he than the next best first five-eighth in New Zealand? When you look at the stats, is he 95 per cent, 50 per cent or 25 per cent better, based on measurable qualities?

While I do not have the statistics in front of me, I think you would find that he is more likely to be somewhere around 5 to 10 per cent better than the next best player. So does that player only get 5 to 10 per cent less of the rewards than Carter? No, Carter definitely gets a much bigger piece of the pie.

You will find this in just about all areas of life, the best (winner) is only a little bit better than many others but they get a lot more of the rewards.

However, competition in sport can also prepare us for life. As kids grow into adults, they are entering a competitive world.

Their grades may present them with different career opportunities. If they move into business, they will need to keep a close eye on their competitors and make sure they keep improving their product or service to stay ahead of the game. The lessons they learn from sport at a young age will have value as they move into the big adult world.

Participation

And yet, I often wonder how you define what a great life is? While there could be many descriptions that could be considered, one that works for me is: a life well lived is one full of amazing experiences.

The more we expose ourselves to different types of experiences in life, the more we get opportunities to learn lessons about ourselves. Sport is one of the greatest ways to have these life experiences.

Here are some examples:

1. Through sport, kids can be put in situations where they experience many different types of emotions. This can be the joy of success, the fear of failure, the nervousness before a game and the high of moving your body fast.

2. They get to develop healthy relationships with people they would not normally be exposed to. These can be adults, such as coaches, who can mentor their growth, or the club director.

3. They can learn great social habits around teamwork and working within rules - lessons that are important for so many reasons.

4. Sport can instil good habits around everyday life such as commitment, discipline and respect.

5. The friendships you can make through sport are often lifelong. The bond that sport creates can be a great platform for relationships that can be a valuable part of all your life.

For these reasons and more, it is important that we try to get as many kids as possible taking part in some type of sport.

However, you also have to look at what barriers stop kids from participation. These would include parents who do not encourage their kids towards sport, the expense of some sports, and schools that do not try to include as many kids playing. These examples are all external of the child, but one of the biggest barriers to taking part is the child feeling they are not good enough.

Think about yourself. Is there an area of your life where you do not feel you are any good - music, running, maths, dancing?

When the opportunity presents itself in your insecure area, what do you do? Most of us try to avoid it. So if our kids feel they are not good at sport, what are they going to do?

But what makes kids feel that they are not good at sport? One of the biggest things are the expectations put on them by others and, when the all the of the positive attention goes towards winners, it can move the non-winning participant to feel that they are not good enough.

If we identify that a big part of sport is the development of skills, we can recognise that all kids will have different skill-set levels. While the winning kids obviously have more natural ability, they probably have spent more time developing their skills.

This does not mean the non-winning kids cannot use sport as a great way to develop themselves. The problem can be that, by creating environments which put all the energy into the successful kids and make the others feel bad about themselves, we can be closing the door to many of the great benefits that sports can offer all kids.

So which side of the argument should win? Should we encourage more competition or greater participation? For me, the answer does not have to be black and white - it is more about what questions we are asking ourselves around the problem. We want to get as many kids playing sport, but we also want to encourage competition in a way that does not create insecurities. So how do we do that?

I do not have all the answers. But here is an example of a coaching session I took a few weeks back. I had a run-training session for about 20 9-to-12-year-old kids. Obviously, a few were the elite of the group and they loved to show that they were the best, running circles around the others. While they were doing this, I could tell the slower kids were starting to lose focus, get despondent and give up. I picked up on this and decided to change the way I was doing the session.

I picked the teams myself based on the different abilities, trying to make them evenly matched, then I created games which were inclusive, made everyone work together for their team and encouraged everyone to do their best.

The fastest kids were still going as fast as they could but they were then encouraging their team-mates along. All of a sudden, every kid was giving it their best. After the session, I got feedback from all the parents telling me that their kids really enjoyed it, including the slower ones.

Despite that success, I have far from nailed this stuff. However, I believe that there needs to be a shift from the conversation being about competition versus participation towards how do parents, school teachers, sport coaches and fitness professionals create sporting environments that get as many kids loving sport?

How can we help kids of all abilities identify where their skills are and what the next steps forward for them are? How do we create games where the competition works for all levels (this could be handicapped games or time-trial point games where the kid has to beat their own score which goes towards the team score). Lastly, how do we put more emphasis on so many of the other benefits of sport?

Sadly, I suspect the competition versus participation argument will continue and I worry that the longer it goes on the more kids will grow up not learning how important it is to have sport in your life.

But instead of having this same old tired argument, why don't we think about changing the discussion towards shifting how we can create sporting environments so we can have as many kids as possible feel good about themselves because of sport.

This way, the next generation will have a higher chance of growing into healthy kids, both physically and mentally, because they have a love of sport and exercise.

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With the increased demand for every minute in our day, many people feel their stress levels soar. It is at this time when we feel overwhelmed or stressed, we need to look after ourselves and implement behaviors to help us unwind. However, as our time for this is scarce we often fall away from some of these behaviors. An example may be that you stay late at work because you have to finish that report or clear your emails - which means you miss your nightly walk. This walk is how you would normally unwind, hence the opportunity to de-stress is lost.

The other day a friend asked me if I have a list of tips that I give to people for ways to de-stress? I’ve got to be honest here, I hate just about all the ‘Top 10 tips’ articles I read, they do my head in. The tips are often very light in value and substance and I wonder if anyone ever makes positive changes because of them. But hey, the titles can be attention grabbing and are successful at getting us to click through to read more, maybe I need to take a chill pill. 

When my friend approached me, she was really interested in what I tell people around how to de-stress. Are there magical ways to help people do this? I could easily write a top ten list, I could list the value of exercise for de-stressing, that some form of mediation can make a big difference, that scheduling micro breaks at work and getting outside can help. Don’t worry I’m not going to do ten. But to me there’s a more honest realistic answer. 

What I’ve learnt over the years is that there is no one perfect way to de-stress. We are all different and the ways we de-stress are completely different as well. I’ll give you an example. I love to mediate, I’ve done it nearly everyday for over 15 years and to me it’s one of the best things that keeps me in a healthy mental place. But while mediation works perfectly for me it may not for you. You might enjoy playing some music, sitting outside with a hot drink and enjoying the still of the night. 

When I first started doing personal coaching I suggested that some of my clients try mediation and my success rate for them maintaining the habit was 0%! I quickly figured out that my way isn’t the best way for others. Once I figured this out I changed tack and we worked out their method for de-stressing. I had a client who loved getting out in the garden after a hard days work, then there was a business owner who loved going home at lunch time to play with his dogs. 

So what is my advice around the best ways to de-stress? The answer is you probably already know what they are for you. The real challenge it to make a conscious effort to put them in place in your life. If you know playing with your dogs helps you unwind make sure that you get it in everyday, make it a priority. This is especially important when times get busy as it is at these times that we don’t want to drop our de-stress activities, we want to be vigilant in maintaining them. We may have to reduce the amount of time we put into them but if you pull away from them completely you’ll find you end up in a less effective place. 

The next time you start to feel the stress levels start to amplify, stop what you are doing and remind yourself of how you de-stress. From there make a commitment to yourself that you are going to keep that activity in your life no matter how crazy it gets. By doing this you’ll find that not only are you more effective in what you do but you won’t feel like you are losing yourself to ‘what everyone else wants me to do’. 

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