Go on, do it!

The alarm goes off but it doesn’t really matter because my eyes haven’t closed all night. My mind has been filled with doubt and it feels like it has been played through a broken tape player that repeats over and over again. I think to myself ‘surely this can’t be good for me’.  

I slowly creep out of the hard hotel bed and head to the kitchen for the meal I had been planning accurately for months in advance. Mum and dad are there eating their tomato’s on toast. Mum looks at me and knows that this morning isn’t the day to be her normal chirpy self. ‘How did you sleep?’ my Dad asks,  ‘I got there’ my distant answer sets the mood and they both pretend to be reading whatever is in front of them.  

After eating I go back to my room and pack for the my day. Questions keep coming up in my head as I check over my list; ‘what if I fail?’, ‘What will I tell people if it all goes wrong’, ‘What if I crumble like I did last time?’. I consciously try to snap out of this and tell myself ‘you can do it’ but this is a battle that is hard to defeat. After packing, my feet slowly walk to the bathroom and I look at the large square mirror. The long hard look ends with a big deep breath, ‘this is it’ I think to myself.    

I do all the preparation that has been carefully planned to create success and now I head to the place where everything will be revealed. I’m trying to fool them by putting on a strong posture that seems so unnatural. I set myself to start, my body is shaking, my mouth dries up but then all of a sudden a switch turns on and I’m ready. This is my test, this is my time! The starter gun goes off and the race begins.  

Nerves are a funny thing. They are such a hard thing to experience but at the same time they are a great indicator that you are challenging yourself to grow as a person. When was the last time you were nervous? If it was a long time ago maybe it’s time for you to create something that makes you feel this way. Don’t be afraid, embrace them, they are good for you.  

Bevan Eyles