Hello Resistance, I’ve been thinking about you lately. You are quite amazing, you have the ability to pop up at any time I’m trying to improve, challenge, or grow myself and you are so consistent - it blows my mind away. Anytime I take the first step towards the place I want to go as a person you suddenly appear out of nowhere and while I feel you are like a wall in front of me I have to admire your ability to create doubt in myself. It’s like you have a team of lawyers and strategic thinkers with insight into my self doubt, who’s job it is to make you stronger. They explore every angle and put forward these in-depth arguments of why I will fail, why I’m not good enough, why I should not even bother.
We have had a long relationship you and I, one that has had a huge influence on my life. You see, sometimes I don’t think that I’m strong and at those times you seem to be there for me. You reassure that the safer option is to stay within boundaries that are well within my reach. You reinforce that I’m setting myself up for disappointment if I shoot for the stars. Those stars are for other people, the people who’s life’s are a lot easier than mine.
I often wonder what your motivation is, are you doing what you do because you care for me? Maybe you see yourself as a protector, as a presence in my life that is there to help me avoid pain or disappointment. I’m sure you see the good in the work that you do and I am sure you justify to yourself why you need to constantly put thoughts in my heads that help me to avoid these feelings and emotions, you probably think you add value to my life. In your eyes my life would be a lot harder without you around, you think I need you, you think I want you.
But why am I writing to you today Resistance? I have started to think that you don’t actually help me. I’ve learnt there is safety in inaction but that’s not the life I want to lead, I want more for myself! I want to experience risk, I want to care enough to allow myself to be vulnerable, I want to chase a higher level. I’ve discovered that you are not a part of this journey.
While I have to accept that you will probably always be a part of my life I now know that you are there to reject. You aren’t a friend, you are my enemy. When I see your ugly head pop up I will squash you down and the weapon I will use is called action. I will use my weapon with all of the power I possess and although I know you will never give up I will always remind myself that you only serve weakness, failure, and dissatisfaction. I’m not weak, I’m not a failure, and I have plenty to be satisfied with in myself.
So goodbye Resistance. You are now part of my past, a time where I was afraid to see the amazing opportunities in front of me. Now I not only see the stars, I’m moving towards them at a rapid speed.
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