What are you hoping to achieve in 2016?
What kind of success would you desire most in 2016? For me it’s trust. Trust that I’m going to be able to live my life in a way that allows me to be true to myself, where I can do the type of work that I love doing, and where I evolve myself due to motivation that is about discovery of higher self in the areas that I care most about, not the motivation that is driven by fear of the loss of what I have.
Turning thirty was an interesting time in my life because I woke up and realised that the fear of my past had been my main driver through my twenties. This was a powerful motivator that created a person who had the ability to tick the box of just about any challenge that was put in front of him. The downfall of this place was there was always an underlying fear of ‘what if?’. What if I injure myself and I can no longer achieve all of these fitness goals, goals that when achieved made me more attractive to my world, what if people find out that I’m a guy who is just figuring it out along the way, what if I don’t keep ticking those success boxes. Being a guy who’s start point was emerged in failure it was understandable why these thoughts were deep inside of me and were still a major driver in every step I took.
After a moment of realisation that my chasing the markers of success had lead to a lonely life I decided that there needed to be a shift. One of the best parts of this realisation was that I had an ephyemy, I’m going to be alright. I suddenly realised that I could let go of my fear, that my character traits, my work ethic, my attitude towards others, and my openness to experiences meant that I was going to be ok in this life. If I trusted these, along with my core values and passions, my fear could be a thing of the past. In that moment the fear seemed to disappear. That is, until recently.
I’m not sure why it came back. Actually, if I’m honest I think I do know why. In the last twelve months I’ve had a few 10% knock backs. These aren’t massive events where my life has crumbled around me, these are more little chinks in my armour that have created a little doubt in me. Through these 10% chinks my fear has started to rear it’s little head again. This time it’s not so much about be being fearful of going back to being emerged in failure, it’s more about me losing my current place in the world. I’m not sure exactly what I mean by that but I do know it’s totally about my ego.
Upon reflection it’s obvious that my actions over the last period of time have been driven more by my fear than my desire to evolve myself and my world. This isn’t a healthy place for me because I can find myself looking to see where their will be another 10% chink and I also try to grip harder onto what is currently secure to the detriment of the life that gives me the ultimate fulfilment.
When I think of how I used to challenge myself in the past it was always about having and end point goal, finish this marathon, win some award, gain an opportunity. Now is not the time for this, now my focus needs to go on me trusting myself, to find ways to reinforce what is great in my life, to let go of needing to hold on to the past because it’s safe, to evolve me to a higher understanding of what is truely important to me. This will take work, and I’m sure fear will try to pop it’s head up but I will try to be courageous and keep turning towards my work of trust.
So what kind of success would you really desire the most in 2016? If you were to really dig deep and be honest about what that is what would you come up with? I think if you work on that area 2016 could be a great year for you. I know that’s what I’m aiming for.
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